A lot of hot air

Out for a meal, you are trying to focus on the conversation going on at your table but I find my attention tends to wonder around the restaurant to other tables. Its not that the topic of conversation isnt highly stimulating (well. . .) it's just that all the other people are fascinating too! Like the awkward date going on at the table opposite in which not one word is said throughout the main course - we've all been there & its too cringy & compelling not to keep watching. Then there's the native american family to the left. No, realli the father has plaits in his beard, do people live like native american's in England? hmm interesting. Finally there's a man next to us holding a conversation with himself, that is he is talking at his partner - she is either riveted by his take on a whole manner of topics including the pay back time for solar pannels or she is bored to tears & has fallen into a silent stupour. I suspect it is the latter. Tickled as I was by one of his statements I shall share it with you.
"They say (who 'they' are I don't have the foggiest) you can't put a price on human life & yet insurance companies have already done just that. AND, ironically enough, it doesn't rise with inflation."
Well, fancy :P

The bird lady & her xmas tale of woe

On my stroll to the corner shop some mornings I pass a large middle-aged lady riding in a buggy - the poor love her legs are obviously no longer able to support her considerable weight so she has to manouvre in one of those shop mobility scooter things. So this morning I was casually glancing at the paper whilst eating my breakfast when who do I see staring back at me but the exact same lady. The story went that she had been out doing her xmas shopping and unable to carry all the bags had placed her 12lb turkey in the front basket of her scooter. On her way back down the street the sheer weight of the turkey had caused the basket to snap & the turkey to fall onto the controls of her scooter. The pressing on these buttons sent her scooter careering off the pavement & into the road into the path of the incoming traffic. It was a miracle she wasn't hurt. I shouldn't laugh but realli! Unable to contain this tale of woe I recounted it to a friend amidst a fit of giggles as she is a minor celeb around these parts with her peroxide blonde locks.

A few days later my friend calls me up only to tell me that passing that very same road in the afternoon she witnessed the event I had described being reconstructed - amazing! Were they making a documentary to raise awareness of the dangers of carrying 12lb turkeys in scooter baskets? Or maybe it was a crime watch film appealing for witnesses to this henious crime?

Overheard conversations

Let me set the scene. . .so me & a friend are travelling back from a netball game when she gets a craving for ham & sweetcorn (as you do!) so we pull over to stop at a Co-op. We collect said items & head over to the till where they are having loads of problems with the debit card swiper machines. Its all a bit chaotic & the old lady behind us is getting a bit irate muttering 'back in my day. . .' Then this quite suave looking man in a long coat (on closer inspection he is really just a bit sleazy looking - easy mistake to make!) walks in & goes over to one of cashiers & the following conversation unfolds:
Co-op girl: "Oh, you've come at a really bad time"
Sleazy bloke: "I aaaaaaaalways come at the wrong time"

The definition of innapropriate. . .

. . . discovering your parents having sex in the hot tub? Luckily it wasnt my misfortune to have happened upon this but a close friend of mines. I guess you reach a certain age when you realise its a good thing really that your parents are still enjoying a healthy sex life, but even still you don't want to find them at it!