If you are ever stuck sumwhere waiting 2 meet sum1 or just hav a few hours to burn one of the greatest time-passers is people watching. People are just so fascinating!!! I do consider people watching to be a fine art & one which I plan to refine over the years. Here are the basics for all beginners out there:
> Its all about location. . .location. . .location! You want to choose a spot where there is going to be a diverse range of interesting people e.g. a tube station or a shopping centre
> You are going to need some form of disguise by this i don't mean sum sort of undercover spy type outfit of all-out camouflage, but something that makes people think that you're not analysing them (which of course exactly what you are doing). For example a mahoosive pair of designer sunglasses a la Lynsay Lohan and no1 wud be any the wiser. if you're not into the whole Bug's Life look a magazine or frapuccino wud work well here as a good diversion.
> A high-powered hearing aid or ear trumpet wud indeed prove useful in many situations but I usually find that alert, pricked up ears will suffice. If you have abnormally large ears you r already at an immediate advantage
> Peripheral vision & a wide field of view is needed so as much can be taken in as possible
> An unphased, diffident expression is key (this is hard to master & should therefore be practised daily in front of a mirror) as an intense stare can often freak people out & make them think that u are in sum way threatening them or are a creepy paedo-like character to be avoided at all costs.
Saturday, 7 April 2007
Friday, 6 April 2007
10 things to do when I'm 80
I look forward to old age so much that I have actually pre-empted by days spent as a post 80 year old. With age comes experience & I will certainly no how 2 hav a gd time :)
So, here it is 10 things to do once one hits 80:
1) Go shopping with my wicker basket in tow
2) Exploit the OAP afternoon at UCI cinemas where they give out free tea & biscuits in the intermission
3) Terrorise pedestrians in my motorised scooter complete with balaclava fashioned from a tea cosy hat, rather like the crazed hijacker granny from the Irn Bru adverts on the tele
4) Always smell of lavender as is the custom among old ladies
5) Get a blue rinse & have my hair styled in that classic, timeless perm
6) Hang out in the bingo halls with gentlemen sporting comb-overs - i find them very attractive
7) Brandish my walking stick & use it to threaten those young whipper-snappers
8) Perfect my knitting technique & perhaps advance on to making a frumpy over-sized cardigan which will soon become moth-eaten (I will probably still where it tho because I will fashion myself on a bag lady. They are my idols. New trends r ridiculous far too much navel on show 4 my liking)
9) Drink excessive amounts of prune juice & very weak tea
10) Keep my false teeth in a glass next 2 my bed & add a tablet so that they fizz menacingly
So, here it is 10 things to do once one hits 80:
1) Go shopping with my wicker basket in tow
2) Exploit the OAP afternoon at UCI cinemas where they give out free tea & biscuits in the intermission
3) Terrorise pedestrians in my motorised scooter complete with balaclava fashioned from a tea cosy hat, rather like the crazed hijacker granny from the Irn Bru adverts on the tele
4) Always smell of lavender as is the custom among old ladies
5) Get a blue rinse & have my hair styled in that classic, timeless perm
6) Hang out in the bingo halls with gentlemen sporting comb-overs - i find them very attractive
7) Brandish my walking stick & use it to threaten those young whipper-snappers
8) Perfect my knitting technique & perhaps advance on to making a frumpy over-sized cardigan which will soon become moth-eaten (I will probably still where it tho because I will fashion myself on a bag lady. They are my idols. New trends r ridiculous far too much navel on show 4 my liking)
9) Drink excessive amounts of prune juice & very weak tea
10) Keep my false teeth in a glass next 2 my bed & add a tablet so that they fizz menacingly
Thursday, 5 April 2007
Changing rooms
Just what exactly is 'Feng Shui?' Its a question I asked myself when it came to decorating my room recently. Id heard mention of it in all these celebrity magazines (for example Madonna wud be Feng Shui-ing her english mansion whilst meditating in this weeks favourite yoga position and playing with her Kabbalah beads) without fully ever understanding what it meant. So I decided to run it past Wikipedia (an absolute God-send of a website especially when it cums 2 essay writing). The given definittion of Feng shui was as follows:
Feng shui, pronounced in English as "fung shway" is the ancient chinese practice of placement and arrangement of space to achieve harmony with the environment. The literal translation is "wind and water".
Whilst the idea of achiveing harmony with my environment is quite appealing I'm quite sceptical as to whether this can be achieve through different combos of arrangin my bed & other furniture. So, I decided to take the more mainstream approach of turning to Dulux.com after being enticed by there fabulous (as in fabulous darling said in my best-camp-interior-designer-a-la-Justin-&-Colin voice) adverts. Did you know you can take a colour chemistry quiz to find out what colour you are in order that you can then decorate your room to reflect your personality - neat huh?!
Apparently I'm an Urban experimentalist! Just from asking 6 questions Dulux.com claims it has revealed by entire personality! It says:
Sunny and gregarious you have the confidence that comes from not being afraid to be yourself. You are always up to date with trends and fashion. Just like your wardrobe, you see your home as the perfect canvas to express your personality and sense of style.
It didnt give me many colour schemes tips tho unfortunately & i found myself swamped & rather intimidated by the shear number of colour charts. My latest situation is that my window has been fitted, the plasterer is coming round next weekend, my furniture has been delivered & yet im still without a colour scheme. So, any budding interior designers floating around in cyber space?? I'd very much love any kind of inspiration!
Feng shui, pronounced in English as "fung shway" is the ancient chinese practice of placement and arrangement of space to achieve harmony with the environment. The literal translation is "wind and water".
Whilst the idea of achiveing harmony with my environment is quite appealing I'm quite sceptical as to whether this can be achieve through different combos of arrangin my bed & other furniture. So, I decided to take the more mainstream approach of turning to Dulux.com after being enticed by there fabulous (as in fabulous darling said in my best-camp-interior-designer-a-la-Justin-&-Colin voice) adverts. Did you know you can take a colour chemistry quiz to find out what colour you are in order that you can then decorate your room to reflect your personality - neat huh?!
Apparently I'm an Urban experimentalist! Just from asking 6 questions Dulux.com claims it has revealed by entire personality! It says:
Sunny and gregarious you have the confidence that comes from not being afraid to be yourself. You are always up to date with trends and fashion. Just like your wardrobe, you see your home as the perfect canvas to express your personality and sense of style.
It didnt give me many colour schemes tips tho unfortunately & i found myself swamped & rather intimidated by the shear number of colour charts. My latest situation is that my window has been fitted, the plasterer is coming round next weekend, my furniture has been delivered & yet im still without a colour scheme. So, any budding interior designers floating around in cyber space?? I'd very much love any kind of inspiration!
Wednesday, 4 April 2007
Diet doctor
I'm having serious cravings at the moment for anything remotely sweet tasting. This comes from the fact that my cupboards are home 2 every variety of health food imaginable as my sister & dad have decided to embark on a 'lose-weight-by-torturing-ourselves' campaign. After sampling almost the entire Sainsbury's 'be good to yourself range' I have come to the conclusion that calories taste nice. You may be being 'good 2 yourself' by consumin this rabbit food/cardboard mutation but in the process you are abusing your taste buds. Don't be fooled either, when it invitingly says on the packet 'only natural flavours' what it really means is no flavour what-so-ever. Dieting requires more will-power than i'll ever have.
Its interestin that science has proven that eating certain types of foods such as chocolate releases endorphines into the bloodstream. I must say that eating & good food in general certainly makes me happy :) all the money in the world cudnt make me becum anorexic i lv food too much. my food of choice is breakfast cereal (altho I do not restrict myself to eating this purely in the mornin!) whereas my Mums is cheese Snack 'a' Jacks. Her obsseions with these is rather bizarre. She goes thru about 3-4 packs of these things a week. God knows what it must be doing to her insides bcoz i hav had the unfortunate experience of seeing what it does to her teeth and breath. I imagine it will be sumthin rather like that vile smokin advert from the TV where the tar is squeezed out of the artery. Instead it will be cheesy orange sludge being squeezy from her gut. mmmm a luvly thought!
Magazines who cram their pages full of how-to-achieve-that-perfect-bikini-body-in-10-days annoy me. Am I just looking at things too simply bcoz the answer to weight loss seems obvious to me: eat less & exercise more! Its crazy to think how many people have made millions out of the diet/health food industry. Like that little shrew Gillian McKeith!
Oh & by the way does any1 else hate that feeling u get when you eat chewing gum on an empty stomach & u feel like ur stomach is eating itself?! Hmm probably not the best idea to do this thinking about it!
Its interestin that science has proven that eating certain types of foods such as chocolate releases endorphines into the bloodstream. I must say that eating & good food in general certainly makes me happy :) all the money in the world cudnt make me becum anorexic i lv food too much. my food of choice is breakfast cereal (altho I do not restrict myself to eating this purely in the mornin!) whereas my Mums is cheese Snack 'a' Jacks. Her obsseions with these is rather bizarre. She goes thru about 3-4 packs of these things a week. God knows what it must be doing to her insides bcoz i hav had the unfortunate experience of seeing what it does to her teeth and breath. I imagine it will be sumthin rather like that vile smokin advert from the TV where the tar is squeezed out of the artery. Instead it will be cheesy orange sludge being squeezy from her gut. mmmm a luvly thought!
Magazines who cram their pages full of how-to-achieve-that-perfect-bikini-body-in-10-days annoy me. Am I just looking at things too simply bcoz the answer to weight loss seems obvious to me: eat less & exercise more! Its crazy to think how many people have made millions out of the diet/health food industry. Like that little shrew Gillian McKeith!
Oh & by the way does any1 else hate that feeling u get when you eat chewing gum on an empty stomach & u feel like ur stomach is eating itself?! Hmm probably not the best idea to do this thinking about it!
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