The definition of innapropriate. . .

. . . discovering your parents having sex in the hot tub? Luckily it wasnt my misfortune to have happened upon this but a close friend of mines. I guess you reach a certain age when you realise its a good thing really that your parents are still enjoying a healthy sex life, but even still you don't want to find them at it!

Why do the gd girls always go 4 the bad boys??

To quote a favourite No Doubt lyric of mine: 'Why do the good girls always go for the bad boys?' Its true isnt it? - You meet a bad boy, get drawn in helplessly, begin destructive relationship, he breaks your heart, you mend slowly before the cycle begins again. It's sad & tragic but then why does it happen so often to the strong woman in todays society - are we all just hopeless in love. Is it because we are afraid of waiting for one of the nice, decent guys to come along?
My bad guy isnt particularly rock & roll: there are no piercings, tatoos, motorbikes or criminal records. However, he does enjoy the look on my face when he describes poo fetish porn, he wees up my neighbours wall (not that this is much of a problem other than the principle as i don't particularly like sed neighbour anyway!), he writes explicit messages on the roof of my car which I wake up to in the morning & can never quite rememba how they got there, drinks vodka red bulls like they are going out of fashion & then vividly describes how he's just thrown up his guts in the toilet before ordering another drink at the bar, innapropriately grinds with the entire club & in the hot tub the following morning discusses whether or not he should get his back, sack & crack waxed (i point out at this point that his ass could do with it!). . .
. . . & depsite all of this I'm drawn in helplessly.

Miracle cream

I have made an important discovery which has revolutionalised my skin-care regime (ok so not realli ground breaking stuff, but still!). . .its SUDOCREAM! No, honestly apply liberally at night before you go to sleep & ladies you will wake up with skin that feels smooth, fresh, rejuvinated and blemish-free. Forget these expensive named-brand products with their so called active ingredients which claim to 'turn-bak-the-hands-of-time' (if only!) & iron out your wrinkles cheap & cheerful sudocream is the way forward - too good to waste on the babies nappy!

It's my latest beauty secret so pass it on. . .

Thought of the day: "As we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our fear, our presence automatically liberates others." Nelson Mandela.

Bring the rave bak around (because i no how i feel about you now)

I had my first experience of a rave last nite & have decided that I want to be bright, neon & shiny (8) Forever eva & eva eva, Forever eva eva! (8) I clearly missed out on THE great nightlife decade. This is why I think we shud bring rave culture bak around:

• The music is insane (but doesnt quite hav the same effect wen u turn it up loud on ur home stereo mid-afternoon the next day why is that??!) Pendulum was definitely one to crank up - turn it up LOUD


• The clothes are outrageous - where else wud u be able to get away with leopard print tights, leg warmers, glitter, pimp hat & neon heels & not be asked 'How much darling?' ! (Ah wait that did happen after all :P)


• Every1 lets go & dances like a crazy person. 'How to dance at a rave' (search it on youtube - do it do it now!) is an absolute must-see or perhaps its onli strange swedish ppl that dance like this! Anyway my personal faves are the bicycle pump & ping-pong - one word, AMAZING


• You get to spray neon, UV paint everywhere & generally make a mess


• Experimenting with spandex, hair dye, eyeliner & nail polish is encouraged even amongst the guys who actually seem to get more into it than the girls :S (WARNING: check on the package first that the hair dye will wash out as 20 hair washes and a suspension from college later & my friend is still attempting to remove pink hair dye using bleach & any number of other products!!!)


• You get to glow in the dark & flash all at the same time which is perfect if you thrive as the centre of attention - go on release your inner Diva!


• Its all very liberal & free thinking - the girl who held the party comes out as being gay then the DJ announces that she is too & suddenly every1 wants to get involved!


• You get to blow rave whistles - whistle for a hottie whoop whoop!

Phew, well after all that excitement all I can say is - bring on the 'Old Skwl' Party next weekend & since I was an 80s love child i shall expect i will fit right in :)

Thought of the day: "Our greatest fear is not that we are inadequate, but that we are powerful beyond measure." Nelson Mandela

Spudding

This post is in recognition of what i propose shud b the latest & bestest (great english!) in a ridiculous set of words to make it into the Oxford English dictionary. We know have bootylicious, minging and yummy mummy for heavens sakes so why can't my new favourite word be entered:

Spud (noun) - no, not a slang name for a potatoe (!) but a person with a particularly poor pulling technique. A 'spud' will come onto a member of the oppoisite sex in such a way as it makes it extremely embarssing for all involved: the victim, the 'spudder' & all those who have the misfortune of observing this feat. Usually a 'spud' is under the influence of some intoxicating substance but this is not a good enough excuse for their actions

Spudding (verb) - flirting/teasing or indeed grinding on that dancefloor which is deemed to be innapropriate becasuse either:
a) you are spoken for & shud not be encouraging the other person
b) other person is spoken for & you are actually very good firends with their other half (supposedly) - this may hav particularly bad consequences
c) the other person is much younger than you & however cute you deem them to be what you are doing is verging on the illegal/paedophilic - this cud lead to arrest
d) those damned beer goggles mean that the hottie actually turns out to be hairier, a foot shorter and indeed a gd few feet wider than u remebered them being last nite - ur conscientious friends will enjoy bringin this point up in the morning

We've all been spuds in our time, the english language has just been lacking a word to describe it (flirting just doens't quite cover it does it?) Well here we have it so start spreading the word!


Thought of the day: "Where of one cannot speak, there of one must be silent" Ludwig Wittgenstein

Messy Hair

So wot does messy hair say about you?? (by messy i mean backcombed into a birds nest to achieved that 'I've-just-been-dragged-through-a-bush-backwards' look but hey don't I look cool - ah, well here's the thing you don't).
I'll tell you wot it say to me it says: I'm a public school girl, I do art & drama & therefore when I talk I like to express myself with my hands, my daddy wears tweed & takes the dog hunting & shooting at weekends, I wear men's shirts & yet IM A GIRL, I have that Ralph Lauren polo shirt/jumper combo in every colour, I try so hard to look like I've just stepped out of a Jack Wills catalogue, my speech is interspersed with 'Yar' or is it 'Yah' (are you a pirate??) I like to pretend I can play tennis but really I'm seriously malco-ordinated so I play lacrosse instead & wear my hoody to prove it on the beach, I spend my summers in Newquay with my friends who all look like clones & play Jack Penate from my old skwl ghetto blaster on the beach, I have stupid amounts of money - more than I no wot to do with, putting a nice little dent in daddy's credit card is my hobby.
The other day I was sat across from one such person I believe the new term is Sloanie (is it wrong that I feel an immediate dislike upon sight?? - quite possibly) & was marvelling that any1 cud pull off such hair. I assumed it was just one of those I've just got out of bed & happen to look like this kind of things - how wrong I was! My kindly sympathetic friend explained the meticulous painstaking process that goes into creating such a hair-vision. Apparently girl in question has naturally afro hair. So, in order to create messy hair first she must blow dry it, straighten it, before backcombing, scrunching, spraying & then securing mop with oversized clip.
We can only marvel in awe. . . (Sorry for the rant!)


Thought of the day: "Faith is believing when there is nothing else you can do"

Girl Crush

In a follow up to my previous post I was surprised to see that the topic was explored in the Sunday Times Style magazine. In reference to pictures of Maggie Gyllenhaal in Agent Provocateur underwear the journalist writes, "These pictures acknowledge the fact that girls fancy girls. Oh, ladies - but we do don't we? We don't talk about it much - even to our closest friends. But most of us, and I speak here of girls who generally like boys more, have, at some point, harboured a crush on another woman." She goes on to point out that, "Girl-fancying has zero to do with hot lezzer lust you see splashed on the cover of nuts. That's just crude male titillation (what a great word - note to self: use this more in general conversation whatever it may mean!)
Apparently, "The girls we'd go gay for aren't the idealised versions of womanhood that men get off on - they are super-improved versions of ourselves. . .Angelina Jolie (my old school friend listen up!) is a top girl crush because she's powerful, in charge of herself and a wildcat!!"
The journalist finishes with the critical crunch question, "Would we go there? . . . if (your crush) turned up on your doorstep promising to take you places you'd never been before - yes or no?" Places I've never been before?! - it sounds exhilerating! I think my answer would be a resounding yes please!

Thought of the day: "Better to aim for the top and miss than aim for mediocracy and hit"