Where did we go right?

So we arrive at a beautiful house overlooking the sea equipped with rose wine & nibbles just in case a sophisticated evening has been planned (BUT never fear we had the peach lambrini - yes we are that cheap - & smirnoff in the boot in all readiness). Completely prepared to get totally innapropriate & rowdy we are not disappointed when our host pops down to the co-op to get sum tequila & a lemon! At this point we retrieve the alcohol from the car & the night begins.

The evening slowly deteriarates into a haze as we revert to 'I have never. . .' spin the bottle & strip poker. Immature some might say but there is a reason they are old favourites!!! Which leads me on to a question: which way do u approach when you go in for the kill - sorry kiss? My left or cack-handed approach was the source of much amusement & teeth clashing - which i might add is possibly one of the worst feelings. I've never experienced this before & put it down to either drunken un co-ordination from both parties or someone somewhere telling me that I should not be tongueing girls, someone elses boyfriend or indeed my best friend! Wrong on so many different levels. Perhaps to resolve this I will conform & approach from the right in the future!

Upon the declaration that someone at the table had never received a love bite a friend proceeds to correct this by giving them to everyone sat around the table. Its almost as if we are branded as in the morning its discovered that we each bare identical marks on our necks. What goes on in these 5 walls stays within the walls (& yes the room did have 5 walls!) It's time to get out the scarf, apply that concealer & wear one's hair down. No one wants to explain a love bite let alone if its been given by a girl it could all get rather uncomfortable & embarassing!


At this point people start removing clothes at will. No one is sure of the exact rules of poker so the bottle is used to serve another function - perhpas we shud rename it striptease rather than strip poker. Among a table of relatively small boobed girls I am left feeling very much more adequate & two hands have to come into play rather than the conventional one-armed hug of the cleavage. As underwear is removed people start arranging what they think are strategically arranged pieces of kitchen towel. One of the guys walks around casually letting it all hang out I have a passing thought that this is what it must feel like on a nude beach hmm how very liberating! Looking at our discarded clothing around the table we realise there is nothing more to remove & on this note we all fall into a hastily arranged bed.